don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
