I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
