Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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