Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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