Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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