Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
