I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize