Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
