i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
