True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
