Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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