Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
