Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize