i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
