you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
