32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
