remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
