Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
