i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
