Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
