We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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