I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
