There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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