shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
