Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
