The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
