I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
