So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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