Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
