You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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