Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
