Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How naked do you want me to be?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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