I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
