He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
