dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
