Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
