I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
