i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
