Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
