i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize