Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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