Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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