I accidentally had phone sex last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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