I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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