I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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