Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
