I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize