you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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