she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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