Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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