i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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