this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
