apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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