im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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