Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
