we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
