went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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