I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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