What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
