If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
