She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
